it became perfectly clear to me on a recent trip to indianapolis.
i was headed to a restaurant that i had been to once before, though not for a long time. i knew the general vicinity, had snagged the address off the internet, and grabbed the garmin. (yes, we finally jumped on the band wagon when presented at christmas time with the gadget. now we are proud owners of what my so-non-gadget-husband swears we have always needed.) i typed in the address and merrily pulled out of our garage listening to one of my favorite radio talk shows.
there weren't any "problems" until i got closer to my destination. i was about 15 minutes away when i started wishing that i could see the whole map. i found myself driving and attempting to figure out how to see more than just my next turn. zoom in... zoom out... menu... i was surprisingly uncomfortable not knowing a couple moves ahead. and i laughed nervously out loud at myself and my discomfort and my distrust.
okay, you can wipe that smirk off your face now. maybe you laugh because you know how to operate this sensational piece of equipment; and you are enjoying my complete, total ineptness. perhaps that deserves a laugh.
or, maybe you shake your head because you know the secret of the abiding. you have walked with God in tough spots and know unwaveringly in the deepest crevasses of your heart the confidence that comes in walking with Him.
i have abided too at times... only unknowingly disconnecting myself from Him to try to control my situation. but, i have to abide today - february 4, 2011. it's been a different sort of challenge for me to trust him 2,500 some days into a disease than day one.
but, you know what? i like it. i like that 7 years calls me to uncover my embarrassing distrust, my ugly unbelief that can only truly be shown to me at this juncture. when i can see the problem, i have the chance to know the depth of freedom, miraculous mercy, and unending grace at work in my life. that makes me want to wipe His feet with my tears of gratitude. then, take a deep breath - and trust again today.