Perspective

"Don't even knock," I say firmly, shutting my bedroom door and locking it. Sometimes a mom just can't. I curl up on the bed for a moment to escape another emotional outburst of today's two brokenhearted girls.

My own heart is a mess trying to process this emotional roller coaster called adoption. We are all trying our best here. Some days hearts are happy and satisfied; some days hearts are broken. Being thirty-six gives me some advantage to these littles. I can take a deep breath; I can see just enough of life through my little window to know we are all in process; I can rely on the promises from God. I know my 7 and 8-year-old can only see this moment what they need, or want, or feel. 

ENTER (stage right): next life struggle Delays in houses, or contracts at work, or sickness, or vehicle troubles - any old combination of trouble will suffice in revealing that I myself am a little girl with limited perspective and a sometimes short-sighted kind of faith. I am, at times, my girls.

I riffle the pages of my Bible for a couple of my favorites. The pages are well-creased, easily separating for me to find truths. Even well-loved, easily-quoted, true promises need reread and reread in times of troubles. I think that's how we can live in James chapter one: Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

For me, it seems to be anyway. To find joy in my trials, I have to reread and hold close those truths that I, just moments before, had been tempted to think I knew so well. However, new trials bring fresh emotions. New opportunities to have truth become real as we abide in Him. First Peter writes encouragement as well: In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith - more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire - may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

This verse takes me back to a few years ago during a crisis of faith. It was a time in my life when I knew God was real, but I wasn't too convinced that I liked Him. Typing that today makes me cringe. However, when I had a working definition of the goodness of God based on how comfortable my life was, I struggled. In this verse, I caught a glimmer of hope because even though I was indeed grieved by various trials, faith remained. Even with my view of God askew and my hope placed emotionally in any old place I could put it to survive my days, my faith existed. I could not abandon God; by His grace, I was sustained. My faith was small and fragile and sickly, but it was. I was so thankful.

In the years since, that seed has grown and flourished. I do have times of struggle still. As I mentioned, sometimes I look like my girls. However, with truth living and growing in my heart, my faith is not so fragile or sickly at this time. Thanks be to God. Today as I read that verse, my prayers for the praise and glory and honor of God refocus my eyes on the "Author and Finisher" of my faith. It makes it possible to choose to believe in eternal truths and let those preserve me through whatever trouble.

Finally, I am thumbing to second Corinthians. It is one of my truest comforts. Chapter four is to me, a cherished, hallowed, resting place for my heart. The whole chapter is precious to me. Today, however, I start with verse seven: But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. What treasure is this? Verse six sings to my heart: [God] has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. What a truth! In this little old, completely imperfect jar of my life, is kept the light - the light of the knowledge of the glory of God - and it was given to me in Jesus. O, the wonder of it all! Then Paul's letter goes on and shows me the ways that Jesus gives life in my hardship. Truth only continues to encourage. Finally, one of my sacred life verses of late at the end of the chapter: So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for you an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient but the things that are unseen are eternal. My heart is invited to rest.

So, Heart, be still and trust. Abandon your short-sighted faith for the reassuring, eternal promises of God.