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For the record, I like my crazy.

7/31/2014

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We  did it.

Disconnected the Internet at home.   (Gasp!)  Yes, it's  true. 

No longer do I read daily  news source headlines.  Nor do I regularly check my email.  I do not watch YouTube videos when I am bored.  I do very little immediate question-answer Internet searching!  (WHAT?! I'm a complete research-aholic!) Furthermore, I watch NO shows! (Coming from a practical entertainment junkie, I still am shocking myself with that
one!)
 
Before you assume that I am a total hermit of sorts, let me say: I do check weather and scan Facebook feed daily. And when I say “scan” I mean a less than 5 minute scan.  (Maybe, in today's society, that does a hermit make?  Hmmm....)
 
Oddly enough, it took all out begging on my part. I mean practically on my knees begging
my how-do-I-turn-on-the-computer-again husband that we could do without it.  People, it pains me to watch this guy google anything.  (And, Babe, “google” means “search”.)  I
literally have to press my lips and sit on my hands, or else I just beg to take over.  (Which is what usually happens after I try the aforementioned.)  
 
So, here we are.  Internetless.  It's been maybe four weeks and probably  12 visits to the library for internet.  HOWEVER, before you scoff, week one was probably eight visits... and every week has decreased in number to this week.  

This is my first visit, and it's already Wednesday.  Though, if I don't print the documents I need within the next 45 minutes, it will have to be two.   :)
 
I  feel completely out of my element.  I am having to be more responsible and plan my trips so as to maximize my time (while the 7-year-old still interrupts regularly), actually having to balance my checkbook again hardcore, having to painfully tell my daughter “no”
to all her favorite web sites.

I am convinced most of the world will think I am crazy.  (Gheez, I think I'm crazy!)  But I have to say, it's a crazy that's working for me.  Without limitless internet access, I find a pastime I love, reading, to be frequented.  I am learning to knit – FROM A BOOK!  (Yes, the library has multiple uses!  Additionally, hopefully soon I'll have a live person to learn from.  A sweet little lady I met in the park.  Wow.  Random human interaction versus my beloved DIY videos.)
 
I am finding that I can catch a news story or two on the FB feed... (So, if the stock market ever disintegrates, I will know, folks)... the radio still does headlines (when I am not listening to my daughter's silly songs or the like).... and my incredibly limited data plan for my phone is perfect for necessary connection to the rest of the internet dependent world.

And, I feel more satisfied.  Take it from a recovering Internet junkie, learning to breathe air again feels good.  My husband and I just sat on the couch and TALKED two nights in a row after saying good night to the 3-foot girl who lives with us.  We have a great relationship; BUT, this week I feel we have a better one.

I don't know if we will get the Internet again.  I can't imagine that I can deny the kiddo access to all the information in the world as we grow up together learning. But, I am not ready yet.  I don't trust myself to make the good decisions - the quality decisions.  I will chase headlines and watch shows and media-medicate myself right out of quality talks with my amazing guy, and fall asleep missing moments in the Bible searching out God, and be completely oblivious to moments of pretend with my repair-woman daughter (who started to take apart our stool with an Allen wrench today apparently).

Would she have even tried that before? Probably.  But still, I have to wonder.

My life seems richer today and not just because I'm saving the money from the price-hiked Internet plan we were paying.... but, because I lived my life.  

And you know what? 

I loved it.

                             So teach us to number our days
                that we may gain a heart of wisdom.  Psalm 90:12


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wobbly

7/16/2014

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It was a wobbly start even though my six-year-old looked confident as she
picked up her bike.  A breeze whipped her hair across her face as she looked
over her shoulder to throw me a smile and to make sure I was there, watching. 
She had protestingly donned jeans, ever my skirt wearer.  Last year, she had
finished the best part of bike season fairly proficient.  We had even biked
together, though a little precariously, in the addition where we live.  Now, at
her first attempt this year, she expected the best.  However, the bike wobbled
under her as her muscle memory geared up for the first time in months.  She fell
over several times.  It actually took a couple of days for her, but soon she was
riding confidently and feeling rather happy, I would say.

My bike wobbled too as my friend told me they were headed back to the
hospital with her little girl.  I was walking along just fine when God asked me
to start riding again.  I too glanced over my shoulder to make sure He was
there.  I got out my bible and let truth sink into my heart from passages that
had sustained my life more than once in storms.  A couple of the pages seemed to
fall open to these deep, life-preserving verses.  Others stayed hidden deep in
my own rusty "muscle memory".  A slightly easier season of life had allowed my
muscles to weaken a bit as I focused on other things.  Now my heart demanded
them to do their job.  I found myself reminded of my desperate need of
Jesus.

So with It is Well playing in the background, I got on my
bike.  I flexed my memory, "Is it first Corinthians four or second Corinthians?" 
I checked both and reread, "Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly
we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far  outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is  unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."


I climbed back up on the bike and unsteadily rode toward Jesus.  The process
of surrender and trust is a wobbly one at times, at least for me.  The drive for
me to encourage my friend with life-giving truth and not just kind words makes
me get back up when I fall. 

However, I gained strength and momentum in the riding.

Paul reminded me of my aim in Philippians 3, "that I may know Him and the
power of His resurrection, and may share His sufferings, becoming like Him in  his death."
  The courage God gave to the early disciples in Acts 14 gave courage
to me, "strengthening the souls of the disciples, encouraging them to continue  in the faith, and saying that through many tribulations we must enter the  kingdom of God."  Jesus' life itself begets strength in Hebrews 5, "Although He  (Jesus) was a son, He learned obedience through what He suffered."  

I continued reading reminding myself of our sovereign God, our great
treasure.  As I focus my mind willfully on who He is, my heart fills with love,
adoration, and gratefulness.  When the God of the universe promises Himself as
Abraham's very own shield (Genesis 15), when He guarantees the priestly tribe of
the Levites the inheritance of Himself (Deuteronomy 18), I find myself saying,
"Lord, I want You as my shield and inheritance!"  

"You are my portion and my cup...indeed I have a beautiful inheritance,"
Psalm 16 declares.  "May all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You! May those  who love Your salvation say evermore, 'God is great!'" Psalm 70:4 sings.  "You  are good and do good; teach me Your statutes," Psalm 119:68 reminds.

I am biking hard now in hot pursuit of God instead of my own understanding,
and there is indeed the fullness of joy in His presence.
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