All new rules.
All new ways.
I get you, Kiddo. I feel like throwing a fit too sometimes. In fact, I may just go a head right now and cry.
As I look in her eyes, as she questions all the reasons why she is in our home, why we have certain rules, why we create structure - I see her future life. I imagine who she is growing into and what this moment is making her.
I look at my biological daughter. She too questions why we have an additional kiddo in our home, why we continue to ask her to share so much of her life, how we can love other children with such warmth. I look into those eyes and see her future life too. I imagine who she is growing into and what this moment is making her. I take a deep breath and explain again our great love, our great life, and our great gift to share to them both. I pray simple, straightforward prayers in their ears while I cuddle them on my lap, and then the heart wrenching, deep soul cries while they sleep.
I know God is doing deep meaningful work in all of us as we share our family and share our home. It's easy to embrace when it's laughter and shrieks of delight. It's a heavy weight as you know you are upsetting a delicate internal balance in the psyche of a child. I know people say they are resilient; and I know that's true because we are a society of survivors – so, so many survivors. Yet, we only do childhood once; and so I feel that weight of this moment. This one moment that melds into so many, many others that become the tool that shapes their little God-given personality. It's the nurturing of the nature. I find myself in that moment, humbled by its responsibility and my complete finite ability to understand what they need and what God is doing. I find this experience a most precious gift. God uncovers my independence and arrogant ways I parent and packages it as the most beckoning of invitations into dependence on my Savior.
The invitation into an easy burden, a light yoke – amazing.
The invitation into a life where rivers of living water come from the Jesus spring inside of me – astounding.
The beckoning of my filthy rags for His perfect righteousness – humbling.
These great exchanges are the epitome of rags to riches. It is the most amazing gift to get a new heart. It's the most mesmerizing moment to walk in relationship with Almighty God.
And in this moment tonight when I cuddle our grafted in girl and repeat our love to her, I feel God's life-giving love springing from me. The confusion and anger from just a few minutes before is melting away; and I find myself so thankful that God gives patience to me - this one little, learning nurturer.