the incredible amount of repetition that i do with her is considerably less than a year ago, but still i do repeat. and i am beginning to feel as though i too am in some type of endless toddler learning cycle regarding my reliance on God. i know it must seem ridiculous, but it is a moment by moment surrender which half the time seems is a toss up as to what i will do at least initially. i can't help but feel sorry for God as He continues to repeat Himself.
i know He's okay with it. honestly, i don't think He would have started the process if He didn't know it was worth it. Not only the process that He's taken on in me, but i mean the whole of humanity... from the beginning. Knowing what He was getting into, knowing it would require His Son... He still created.
That to me is hopeful.
knowing my potential to screw up my marriage, He still gave me brad. realizing my great lack to parent, He still gifted me with amia. considering my propensity to cause pain, He still called me to Himself and gave me the loving name "daughter". understanding my wandering heart, He still linked His with mine forever. I think He's committed not only so that i could emerge as a different person, but so that He could "emerge", to me, as my God.
and as the temptation to teeter right off the edge of trusting Him is always sneaking up on me, catching my eye, adorning itself so enticingly, i must go back to what God is repeating to me: He is strong. He is loving. He is strong. He is loving.
He is strong. He is loving.
and those two things being true compel me to trust Him with all my unknowns.
one thing God has spoken, two things i have heard: that You, o God, are strong, and that You, o Lord, are loving. psalm 62:11,12